Couples Therapy

When we are struggling as a couple we can often find ourselves in entrenched way of relating that erode any positive feelings. Good couples therapy is not about making judgements about individuals but more about identifying what is going wrong in the dynamic between them.

My approach to couples therapy is influenced by the work of Dr Sue Johnson, who identified that at the root of most conflict is the distress of losing a safe connection with our partner. When we feel our connection is disrupted, we will tend to ‘protest’ in repetitive and predictable ways, e.g. escalate our feelings (get angry, upset, blame) or withdraw (disappear into our shell). When this happens each person ends up experiencing what they most don’t want from their partner.

Part of the role of the therapy is to help to de-escalate the conflict and re-establish safe, nourishing connection. This includes developing an understanding of the needs of each person and how these needs might be met within the relationship.